For anyone looking at my posts and thinking life is all strawberries and cream........

I am a single mum, my eldest I haven't seen since before the restrictions; my youngest is so bright, she is on the go from when her eyes ping open until they finally close at night, she has a passion for learning that doesn't allow her to slow down and be calm, she is seldom still; my middle child has profound needs, is none mobile and none verbal.

I have not had a boyfriend in over 8 years and the chances of ever finding a life partner are probably close to 0, and don't mention online dating sites, I seriously don't have time.......

I try to see the positive side of things. I post things that make me feel happy, because I think they'll bring a smile to your face too. I love homeschooling my kids during the Covid pandemic, and I want to share with you what we are doing. Life is most certainly not easy but..

"I actually love my life...most of the time!"

That doesn't mean that there aren't challenging times, there certainly are. To be honest, I keep myself busy so I don't have the time to dwell, as doing so would potentially lead to a quick downward spiral and a very sad existence, as my life is neither easy nor quite what I had planned!

So some not photographed, not so feelgood moments of lockdown so far....

My beautiful, bright, funny, energetic, little love Betty, has 'accidently' pulled the lounge curtains down, rails, raw plugs n all, smashed a glass that covered every inch of the kitchen, broken the bathroom tap, yes we wash, brush our teeth etc in the bath at the moment! She has a melt down at least once a day and if looks could kill!! And she never SHUTS UP. OMG she talks none stop mostly about absolute shit that I have no interest in and I don't understand. BUT she is a dream to teach, I love teaching her, unfortunately she wants 100% of my attentions all the time and I can't give it to her.

George...lovely sweet George who suddenly threw up with no warning, again, and I had to change him and his sheets again, who screamed and shed real tears for hours during week 4 of lockdown, who I couldn't put down and so hurt my back from swaying and comforting him. Who I feel I fail more than I don't. Most days he gets a few minutes of quality time, here 'n there, and I feel good, but mostly he looks uncomfortably in a chair, or he is twisted, albeit happy, lying on the floor, and I'll suddenly panic about his spine, his hips, the range of movement in his feet, his arms, his legs, his wrists........ I feel disappointed in myself that he isn't getting the level of stimulation and interaction like he would at school, became I am here on my own, and I have a million things to do! (And Betty shouts louder!)

I feed him and then get a sinking feeling as I wonder if there's enough calories, vitamins etc etc in his food. Or I'll blend up a whole batch of food to find it won't go down the tube. (last week!)

My lovely George whom I adore but feel I fail in helping him to communicate and sometimes realise I haven't actually directly spoken to him all day in a meaningful way, apart from, 'food time, meds, mummy loves you, song time.....'

Gorgeous Bobby, who should be training more, who lays her head on my lap and gives me comfort but also has dragged a dead rat and mouse in from the garden to chomp on and for Betty to stand on in bare feet! Haha ..... I then panic that Bobby could get sick from the rat or the mouse....... I think Meg killed them, or next doors cat. Lovely, aloof Meg who was so loving as a kitten and now looks at me like she disapproves of me. And only sits near me occasionally and hardly ever allows me to touch her.

Me, there is a little time each day for me. And when I do sit down I feel that I should be doing something else. I feel guilty for stopping.

Oh and the house nearly always looks a complete mess!

So life isn't a full bowl of strawberries and cream but maybe it is half full and on some days 3/4.